How to talk to aging loved ones.
Maybe you see your loved one frequently, or perhaps you’ve just returned from a holiday visit, either way, it’s become apparent, they are progressing down that aging path which we’re all traveling. It seems likely their best interest is served by making some lifestyle changes. Perhaps the necessity of change is imminent or maybe the need is immediate. Either way, it’s time for conversations. These can be difficult to have.
Recognizing the loved one was likely always in a position of authority in your life, and now those relational positions need to change. You need to become more the decision-maker. I want to share some ideas of how to talk with them about this hard subject of change.
DISCLAIMER: even though I do have a doctorate, it’s in law, not counseling or psychology. We do have great referral sources if that is needed or preferred. My advice here comes from 25 years of witnessing or having these very conversations.
You know your loved one, so you may already know how best to talk with them, but I have found 3 tools to keep in mind when having difficult conversations, 1-RESPECT, 2-REPETITION, and 3-RESEARCH.
For respect, eye contact is important, as is speaking to them in the first person even though you’re talking about them with another. When I’m helping a family, I’ll look directly at the senior and speak to them. The loved ones attending the meeting know I’m talking to them, but it sure helps the senior feel part of the decisions.
Repetition may be obvious for those who have dealt with aging loved ones. If the need to repeat, sometimes often, isn’t understood from the beginning, it can get very frustrating for both you and the senior.
Next, but likely not last, is research. It seems best when approaching aging loved ones not to change the scenarios or the options very often. This quickly gets confusing for everyone and we want our family to feel secure and that we are confident in our knowledge. Do the internet searches, as we all will do, and talk to your friends who have experiences, but seeking advice from professionals early in this process always seems helpful.
With Paths Elder Law, I’m Rusty Fracassa. If you believe we can help you, visit our website or give us a call.